I have written about my favourite rock opera, Jesus Christ SuperStar before. Yet, the Gethsemane scene came to mind once again recently, as the ultimate portrayal of torturous self-doubt and sheer necessity of faith.This is the culmination of the rock opera, as Jesus comes to Gethsemane garden in Jerusalem to pray the night before the crucifixion.

Glen Carter, 2000

Listening to the monologue in full, I realize Jesus could have been one of my clients, trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle, to eat better, to lose weight, or to gain muscle (or in this specific case, to decide whether to allow others to nail him to the cross or not).

Initial enthusiasm is gone, and the prospect of being nailed to the cross does not seem as lucrative. And, quite frankly, it sounds like a hassle. He is not convinced. Where’s the guarantee that he would get results?

1. He talks about his waning motivation…

I have changed I’m not as sure
As when we started
Then I was inspired
Now I’m sad and tired

2. He doubts whether doing as he is told would make any difference…

Why I should die
Would I be more noticed
Than I ever was before?
Would the things I’ve said and done
Matter any more?

3. He wants proof before he fully commits…

Can you show me now
That I would not be killed in vain?

4. He’s tried everything else…

After all I’ve tried for three years
Seems like ninety

Big things require faith.

You will not always have the answers.
You do not always get to know why.
You have to believe first.

You have to leap.
You have to trust.

Yet, it is scary as shit. So, you question.

You waver.
You wonder.
You worry.

It may not be easy. It may not be fair.

But that’s how faith works.

I hope you can believe. [It’s not like you are contemplating potential crucifixion here].

Hugs,
SOLO

*I cannot decide if I like the original 1973 version by Ted Neeley better. What about you?

FULL TEXT:

I only want to say
If there is a way
Take this cup away from me
For I don’t want to taste its poison
Feel it burn me,
I have changed I’m not as sure
As when we started
Then I was inspired
Now I’m sad and tired
Listen surely I’ve exceeded
Expectations
Tried for three years
Seems like thirty
Could you ask as much
From any other man?

But if I die
See the saga through
And do the things you ask of me
Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me
Nail me to their tree
I’d want to know
I’d want to know my God
I’d want to see
I’d want to see my God
Why I should die
Would I be more noticed
Than I ever was before?
Would the things I’ve said and done
Matter any more?

If I die what will be my reward?
If I die what will be my reward?
I’d have to know
I’d have to know my Lord

Why, why should I die?
Oh, why should I die?
Can you show me now
That I would not be killed in vain?
Show me just a little
Of your omnipresent brain
Show me there’s a reason
For your wanting me to die
You’re far too keen on where and how
But not so hot on why
Alright I’ll die!
Just watch me die!
See how, see how I die!
Oh, just watch me die!

Then I was inspired
Now I’m sad and tired
After all I’ve tried for three years
Seems like ninety
Why then am I scared
To finish what I started
What you started
I didn’t start it
God thy will is hard
But you hold every card
I will drink your cup of poison
Nail me to your cross and break me
Bleed me, beat me
Kill me, take me now
Before I change my mind