Dear OCRWC Organizers… My Letter Of Disappointment And Outrage
Dear OCRWC Organizers,
On behalf of entire obstacle racing community, I would like to express my disappointment and (yes!) outrage at the fact that you STILL have not announced the location of OCRWC 2017, and have not provided us with the detailed list of obstacles to be included, as well as course maps.
I am baffled as to what it is you do with your free time, now that OCRWC 2016 is over. Surely, sorting out results, penalties, placements, sending out podium cheques and all that aftermath doesn’t take more than a couple of days? So… what the fuck is taking so long?
I know that Spartan Race routinely announces their date/location as late as mid-December for an early October race, and you yourselves announced it in the first week of November, but surely you can beat that. It IS a race!
I personally do not have MUCH of a life, so I will be making it my mission to harass you on a daily basis about the location of OCRWC 2017.
Just to speed this along.
Of course, I COULD focus on planning my training instead, because I already know what obstacles posed difficulty for me in the 2016 races, AND I am fairly confident in the race distances for next year, but hey… that would actually involve work.
I am better at creating memes anyway.
Will it be in Canada again?
OMG, should I book my hotel now? You know what? I’ll go ahead and book my hotel now. I will book for every weekend between September 1st and November 15th, just in case. I think I will also contact my cell phone provider letting them know that I may be in Canada next fall. And, of course, pick up some Tim Hortons gift cards.
What if it will be in Ohio?
I mean… if that’s the case, this will change EVERYTHING for me. So I need to know now. In fact, I really needed to know this two weeks ago, but I will forgive the delay, if you tell me immediately. Where the heck IS Ohio, anyway? Yes, I know I raced there last year, but it’s been a long time. I better purchase some maps. In fact, I will sign up for an orienteering course. UGH. I am so behind!!!
Will you move it to Europe?
You should totally move it to Europe. It’s the WORLD Champs, right? Ahhhh, Paris. Can we have it in Paris? I know that I can’t really purchase plane tickets a year ahead of time, but still… What weekend are we looking at roughly? I think I’ll get a car rental in Amsterdam. To have my bases covered.
On the other hand… how fucking dare you move it to Europe? Does that mean I will need a VISA? Is that even legal? Requiring me to get a visa? Aren’t Canadians welcome everywhere? How dare those other countries place rules and restrictions to visiting them?
I did hear a rumour that it will be in Siberia – which is where I am originally from? Omg, now that would be awesome! I mean, getting that visa WILL be a bitch for everyone else (did you know you may be required to submit proof of negative HIV status? yep, Russians are subtle like that), but my double citizenship will FINALLY come in handy for something.
Can you confirm at your earliest convenience?
I am unable to train (or eat, or sleep) until I hear from you. Please hurry.