bleeding

By SOLO

I got my period few days ago. Hardly newsworthy for a 30-something year old female, yet up until few weeks ago, I was not expecting my cycle to be back for many months.

I am sad, but no longer the acute body-shattering sobbing-in-the-shower sad. More of a tears-rolling-down, while writing this blog post sad. The feeling gets duller, duller, dull.

This body handled the whole thing like a champ – from losing (and then making up) a bunch of blood (so much blood), to allowing me to be upright and somewhat coherent mere hours after coming from the emergency room, and then running almost 30km only days later.

Four weeks later, the mindfuck of remaining food aversions is finally gone, and I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I miss the bigger boobs – those were nice. Pants and jeans are tight, and things look a bit different, which tells me that the body comp has shifted somewhat. Nothing unusual, given the hormone cocktail of the last few weeks, although it would be nice to have a human infant in addition to increased body fat. But, body did what body needed to do, and it will settle back on the body comp also, now that I no longer eat mashed potatoes with hotdogs, and Kraft dinner for all meals, unable to stomach anything else.

The closure of miscarriage does not come with pregnancy. It comes with the next cycle. This is as close as you ever get to “the end”. The body says “You! Hey, you! We are back on schedule. I did all the work”.

Thanks, buddy.

P.S. I decided to turn the comments back on for now. I’d love to hear from you. The outpouring of support in response to my post about miscarriage has been amazing, and I would hate if all the little “hellos” got forever lost in Facebook land. If you are reading, let me know.

Hugs,
SOLO

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Posted June 14, 2017

16 responses to “bleeding”

  1. Ginger says:

    Totally reading, totally relating, and as always so touched by your talent with the written word.

  2. Moira says:

    Much love to you….Hugs and Kisses!

  3. Karen says:

    And so life flows on…ebb and flow. Our body after miscarriage and our emotional response to it as well. Still sending love as long as it’s needed. Hugs.

  4. Kirsten says:

    Biggest hugs. xx

  5. Carri O says:

    *hug*

  6. Cara Fairbanks says:

    Love that you’re posting about this. It needs to be said…can totally relate as I’ve been there myself, along with so many other women who mostly remain silent. I remember my first period post-miscarriage for two reasons – one because of what you describe here and two because it was my last period until after I had my son, which was totally unexpected and great and sad and wonderful and everything all at once. You never forget, but yes, the pain does dull and you grow from it but that little person will always be a part of you. xoxo

  7. Christina aka ck ko :) says:

    Hugs*

  8. Sveta says:

    I am and sending you the warmest hugs! hang in there <3
    P.S. It's interesting how although we don't see each other in real life anymore, I still feel like we do, when I read your posts. Miss seeing your face:)

  9. Veronique Sarrasin says:

    totally reading lucky for me i cannot relate but i totally and completely feel for you… You are strong and wonderful to share this with us sending you huge huge hugs and positive vibes!!! keep writing you’re just an overall awesome person 🙂

  10. Lisa says:

    Your are wrapped in hugs. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Sharing your personal story will help many others and hopefully aid in your own healing process.

  11. Teresa says:

    Sending you love my Kaizen sister xo

  12. Karmen says:

    Love love love love. And many hugs (8 days and counting!) ❤️

  13. Irene says:

    I’m reading and relating and remembering.

    I remember this overwhelming feeling that my body had failed me when I miscarried. When that “first” period came I thought, “Are you kidding me body? After all THIS it is just back to business as usual?!”

    I wasn’t ready to be “back to business as usual”.

    After a while, my period became a reminder of my body’s incredible resiliance.

    And, I felt that if my body could do it, my soul could do it too. Eventually it did.

    You are in my thoughts Kate. Sending postive energy your way ❤️

  14. Lisa Dahl says:

    That’s a tough one to share… Wishing you all the best for all the possibilities ahead.

  15. Jolene says:

    I appreciate you sharing and bringing to light something that is often hidden or talked about in hushed tones. So many women go through the experience of a miscarriage and many feel so isolated in their grief, especially as their bodies return to normal cycles. So deeply sorry for your loss. Hugs!

  16. Karen Burns says:

    Dear Kate,
    I have only recently seen these posts. I am very, very sorry for your and Italian’s loss.
    Best always, Ķaren

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