6 workouts you MUST try, and what poodles have to do with it
The spring is finally upon us (unless we are expecting a snowstorm tomorrow, of course), and some of you may be looking to spruce up your workout routine. Fear not, because I have you covered with the perfect blend of something new, something old, and something poodle.
Here are 6 workouts you simply MUST try (or remain wondering forever):
1. Sexy yoga
This is yoga, like no yoga you’ve seen before. You can now embrace cosmos, while becoming more lithe and limber. In fact, this is exactly what my hot yoga classes look like. Outfit and all. “Open your mind”, people.
Although I am surprised that this yoga teacher is not wearing Lululemon. Her thigh gap says she should.
2. Hip Hop Spin Class
Now y’all know how I feel about spinning, but this workout right here – well, that’s enough to make even me question my beliefs. And hop on a spin bike.
This is like the pentecostal church service of spinning – regardless of whether I actually believe in what they are singing about, they are having a blast, and I want in.
3. Shake weight
Oldie, but goodie. After all, women still struggle with toning those upper arms. The shake weight makes it easy – you just shake it. Back and forth. And get the results you want.
Jeez. I’ve been told to get my mind out of the gutter before. So I’m just going to leave this one right here.
4. Fat burning pod
Ohhhh, this one is my favorite. You know how they say “get in the zone!”, when you work out? Well, you can finally have your OWN zone. No more other people’s gross sweat – you can finally work out in your own damn bubble.
I’ve already ordered mine, actually, and will post a review as soon as it arrives. Unfortunately, I do not own a pink t-shirt – must purchase next.
This made its rounds on the internet, and instantly became a classic. Just don’t forget your ankle weights. In order to increase intensity, I do this particular workout, while wearing a weight vest. As well as the elevation training mask. Must wear the mask.
6. Poodle fitness
I’ve saved the best for last. Clicking on a video entitled “poodle fitness” is a little bit like googling “puppy porn”. Go ahead, try it – you may never look at puppies the same way again. Or porn.). You are worried and scintillated at the same time, and you proceed to clear your browsing history, as soon as you are done.
However, if you are an animal lover (HAA!), you must try this one. After the initial investment of the outfit, you are all set!
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So, as one of the fitness videos suggests, let’s “squeeze those cheeseburgers out of those thighs. And fries. And carrot cake.”
P.S. Please do not write me scathing letters in case any of the participants in these videos are cancer survivors. If that is the case, I’m tremendously happy they kicked the big C to the curb. It does not make poodle fitness any less… ummm… newsworthy.